I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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