You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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