i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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