If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
