I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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