the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
