I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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