Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
