So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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