so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
