ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
