Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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