i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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