How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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