so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize