i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
