He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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