now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
