I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize