i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
