i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
