It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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