Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
