Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
