I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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