i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
