the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize