She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
