I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize