Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
