Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if only i could text you this smell
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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