dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
