I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
