I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
