You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
