Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
