she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
