I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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