By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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