I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
