i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
