We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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