I cannot find my penis.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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