I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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