he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize