Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize