The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
so much tequila, so little girl.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
