She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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