Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
