I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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