the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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