Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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