so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
