this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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