feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
