drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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