is your mom at the bar?
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
