Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
