3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
