:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
