he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
These tits shall not be calmed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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