hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
