dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
