Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
false alarm, still single
Randomize
