So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
