Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
