She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
