We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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