just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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