im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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