I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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