I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
