Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
