All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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