bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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