cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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