I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
