Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
