she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My cat gives me a boner
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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