I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
