Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
