I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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