I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
