You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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