ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
