I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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