cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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