What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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