I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
