You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
