there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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