Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
