That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
